CEP Couple: Edwin and Maria
A father’s heart
By Catholic Family Life - Father's Day special
Edwin Koo and his family. Photo: Edwin Koo.
Catholic American theologian Dr Edward Sri describes marriage as “the school of love”. Reflecting on his journey as a father of three, Edwin Koo from the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour realised that God and his children are the teachers in this school and he, the student.
Unprepared for fatherhood
I became a father when Luke, my firstborn, cried his lungs out on January 23, 2011. I knew that my child would soon throw my life into a tailspin, and my heart was not prepared. There were many changes to adapt to – having to portion my wife Maria’s attention with my new-born, being on call 24/7 and eventually, the need to accompany him through his growing years.
Guiding my son was trying at times. Going by the motto ‘tough love is still love’, anger would feature heavily in my interactions with my son, particularly when I saw him fall short of the expectations I had placed on him. Fatherhood became a terrible nightmare as I was a strict disciplinarian, leaving all the cuddling and caring of my children to my wife.
Re-learning fatherhood
In 2017, Maria and I attended the Couple Empowerment Programme (CEP), now with two more children in tow. The programme helped us delve deeper into ourselves and our families of origin. As a result, I became aware of where I had been falling short, both as a father and husband. Here are some key insights that helped me reflect the love of God the Father more intentionally in my earthly fatherhood:
- Children are uniquely, wonderfully and fearfully made
I saw my children more as gifts from God, each made in the image and likeness of God and having their special vocation. I learned the truth behind the axiom “like father, like son”, seeing that my children would mirror us parents in vices or virtues and become like us through nurture, not by nature. I learned to emulate the courage and faithfulness of King David and not the impulsiveness and possessiveness of King Saul.
- A family that prays together stays together
After CEP, we began a nightly prayer routine that involved the children. It was frustrating at times to get them to pray. They often pretended to sleep or would jump around while I attempted to pray the Lord’s prayer. However, with much perseverance, it has become so entrenched in our daily routine that our children now will not go to bed without night prayers! I’ve embraced and accepted the responsibility as a priest of our ecclesia domestica, our domestic church.
- Fathers are called to reflect the Father’s love
In sharp contrast to my initial vision of fatherly love, I recognised that God was calling me to imitate the gentle, nurturing love of Jesus Christ, especially in the most difficult of circumstances. Rather than veiling my love with harsh reprimands and discipline, I realised that, like Jesus, I needed to be slow to anger and rich in kindness so that I could impart to my children an authentic and unconditional experience of love that they could not learn about anywhere else.
Indeed, the journey of fatherhood has taught me to see 1 Corinthians 13 with new light: “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
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Contributed by Couple Empowerment Programme (CEP), an affiliate of Catholic Family Life. CEP hosts regular prayer gatherings on top of their titular programme. To learn more about them, visit: http://cep-sg.org